الفصل الخامس والعشرون

الفصل الخامس والعشرون

Now let us tell of what happened. Gang Ge had just been beaten by Old Mother Wang several times, and his heart had no outlet for its anger. He picked up his pear basket and went straight into the street, heading directly to find Wu Da Lang. He turned two streets and saw Wu Da carrying his cake vendor's pole, coming from that very street. When Gang Ge saw him, he stopped and looked at Wu Da. "I haven't seen you for a few days. How have you gotten so fat?"

Wu Da set down his pole and said, "I've always been this way. How could I have gotten fat?"

Gang Ge said, "The other day I wanted to buy some wheat bran, and I couldn't find any anywhere. Everyone said you had some in your house."

Wu Da said, "I don't raise ducks or geese in my house. How could I have wheat bran?"

Gang Ge said, "You say you have no wheat bran, yet you're fat and greasy—they could flip you over and it wouldn't matter, they could boil you in a pot and you wouldn't even steam."

Wu Dam said, "You damned monkey, you insult me so! My wife doesn't steal men—how am I a duck?"

Gang Ge said, "Your wife doesn't steal men, she only steals *sons* of men."

Wu Da grabbed Gang Ge. "Give me back my master!..."

Gang Ge said, "I'm laughing at you—you only know how to grab me, but you wouldn't bite off his left side."

Wu Da said, "Good brother, tell me who it is and I'll give you ten cakes."

Gang Ge said, "Cakes won't do. Just be a good host and treat me to three cups of wine, and I'll tell you."

Wu Da said, "You can drink wine? Come with me."

Wu Da picked up his pole and led Gang Ge to a small wine shop. He set down his pole, took out a few cakes, bought some meat, and poured a cup of wine for Gang Ge to drink. The lad then said, "Don't add more wine, but cut a few more pieces of meat."

Wu Da said, "Good brother, just tell me."

Gang Ge said, "Don't rush. Let me finish eating and drinking, then I'll tell you. But don't get upset—I'll help you catch them."

Wu Da watched the monkey eat the meat and drink the wine, then said, "Now tell me."

Gang Ge said, "If you want to know, come touch the bump on my head."

Wu Da said, "How did you get this bump?"

Gang Ge said, "I'll tell you. Today I took this basket of pears to look for Master Ximen to make a small deal, but I couldn't find him anywhere. Someone on the street said, 'He's in Old Mother Wang's tea house, fooling with Wu Da's wife. He goes there every day.' I was hoping to earn thirty or fifty cash, but that old bitch Mother Wang wouldn't let me into the room to find him—she gave me a good pounding and threw me out. That's why I came looking for you. Just now I used two sentences to provoke you. If I hadn't provoked you, you wouldn't have come to ask me."

Wu Da said, "Is this really true?"

Gang Ge said, "There you go again! I said you were the kind of birdbrain—those two are having a fine time, and they're just waiting for you to come out so they can do it together in Mother Wang's room, and you're still asking me if it's real or fake."

When Wu Da heard this, he said, "Brother, I won't lie to you: that woman goes to Mother Wang's house every day to do sewing, and when she comes back her face is red. I've had my suspicions too. This explains it! Now I'll put away my pole and go catch them in the act. How about that?"

Gang Ge said, "You're a grown man, yet you really have no sense. That old bitch Mother Wang is fierce and terrifying—how can you get the better of her? The three of them must have a signal. When they see you come in to catch them, they'll hide your wife. And that Ximen Qing is no pushover—he could beat the likes of you twenty times over. If you fail to catch them, you'll just take a beating for nothing. He's rich and powerful, and he could file a complaint against you, and you'd end up in a lawsuit. With no one to stand up for you, they'd finish you off."

Wu Da said, "Brother, everything you say is right. But how can I vent this anger?"

Gang Ge said, "I was beaten by that old bitch and I have no way to vent my anger either. I'll teach you a plan: Go home a little later today, but don't show any sign of it. Don't let anything show on your face—just act as you do every day. Tomorrow, make fewer cakes to sell. I'll wait for you at the mouth of the alley myself. If I see Ximen Qing go in, I'll come call for you. You carry your pole and wait nearby. I'll go provoke that old bitch first, and she'll surely come after me. I'll throw my basket into the street, and you grab it. I'll hold off the old woman with my head, and you rush into the room and raise a ruckus.—How's that for a plan?"

Wu Da said, "Since it's so, I owe you, brother. I have some strings of cash—take them to buy rice. Tomorrow come early to the mouth of Zishi Street alley and wait for me."

Gang Ge took the strings of cash and a few cakes and left on his own.

Wu Da paid the wine bill, picked up his pole, and went out to sell his cakes before returning home.

Now this woman had always scolded Wu Da and bullied him in every way, but recently she had become aware of her own misconduct and had to humor him a little. As the poem says:

Her licentious heart and wanton nature would not turn back,

She forced herself to feign affection and keep him company.

It was only because she stole a good man next door,

That she came to carry a ghost in her own womb.

That evening when Wu Da carried his pole home, he acted just as he did every day and said nothing about it. The woman said, "Elder Brother, shall we buy some wine?" Wu Da said, "I just drank three cups with a fellow merchant." The woman prepared supper for Wu Da, and that night they had nothing more to say.

After the midday meal the next day Wu the Elder made only three or four trays of steamed bread and packed them on his carrying-pole. The woman's mind was entirely on Ximen Qing; she paid no attention to how much or how little Wu the Elder prepared. That day Wu the Elder shouldered his pole and went out on his own to sell his wares. The woman could not have wished harder for him to leave. As soon as he was gone she slipped over to Old Mother Wang's room to wait for Ximen Qing.

Now as Wu the Elder carried his pole along, he came to the mouth of Purple Stone Street and there he met Young Gentle, carrying a basket and looking around. Wu the Elder said, "How goes it?" Gentle replied, "You should have come earlier. Go sell your bread for a while and then come back. He's already about seven-tenths of the way here. Just keep yourself nearby and wait." Wu the Elder flew off like a cloud and sold his wares, then hurried back. Gentle said, "When you see me throw my basket out, you rush in." Wu the Elder put his pole aside—no need to dwell on that.

Now Gentle, carrying his basket, walked into the teahouse cursing: "You old swine, why did you hit me yesterday?" The old woman's nature had not changed. She jumped to her feet and roared, "You little monkey, old mother has nothing to do with you. What have you come to curse me for?" Gentle said, "I'm cursing you, you 'horse-water carrier,' you old dog who acts for others—what the hell do you think you are?" The old woman flew into a rage and grabbed Gentle to beat him. Gentle shouted, "You're hitting me!" and flung his basket out into the street. The old woman tried to seize him again, but when the little monkey had cried "You're hitting me," he had already locked his arms around Old Mother Wang's waist. He charged straight at the woman's lower belly with his head and nearly knocked her down, but she was propped against the wall and did not fall. The monkey braced himself firmly against the wall. Then Wu the Elder, throwing open his clothes, strode in great bounds straight into the teahouse.

When the old woman saw that it was Wu the Elder coming, she tried to block him, but the little monkey was holding on for dear life and would not let her go. The old woman could only shout, "Here comes Wu the Elder!" The woman, who had been busy in the room, rushed out first and braced herself against the door. Ximen Qing then crawled under the bed to hide. Wu the Elder charged to the door of the room and tried to push it open, but it would not budge. All he could cry out was, "A fine thing you've done!" The woman, holding the door shut, was in a panic, but she said, "In ordinary times you go around showing off your boxing skills like a bird's beak. But when it comes to the real moment you're no use at all—you fall at the sight of a paper tiger." These words of the woman were clearly meant to tell Ximen Qing to strike Wu the Elder and fight his way out. Ximen Qing, hearing the woman's words from under the bed, was reminded of this idea. He crawled out and said, "It's not that I lack ability, but I didn't have the presence of mind at the moment." He pulled the door open and shouted, "Don't hit him!" Wu the Elder tried to seize him, but Ximen Qing had already lashed out with his right foot. Wu the Elder was short, and the kick landed squarely in the middle of his chest. He fell backward flat on the ground. Ximen Qing, seeing that he had knocked down Wu the Elder, slipped away in the commotion. Gentle, seeing that things had gone wrong, abandoned Old Mother Wang and ran off. The neighbors all knew how formidable Ximen Qing was. Who dared to interfere?

Old Mother Wang then helped Wu the Elder up from the ground. She saw that blood was coming from his mouth and his face had turned the color of yellow wax. She called the woman to come out and ladle a bowl of water. After they revived him, the two of them supported him on their shoulders and carried him through the back door upstairs, where they arranged for him to lie on the bed. Truly:

Three-inch Ding, no talent at all;

Ximen, that donkey, truly bold!

Her own husband, by his paramour brought to fall—

Lust and poison, both in one mold!

That night nothing further happened. The next day Ximen Qing, having heard that nothing had come of it, went back as before to be with the woman, simply hoping that Wu the Elder would die on his own.

Wu the Elder lay ill for five days and could not get up. What was worse, when he asked for broth it did not come, and when he asked for water it did not come. Every day he called out to the woman and she paid him no heed. He also saw her go out heavily made up and return with flushed cheeks. Wu the Elder was driven to fury several times, but no one paid him any attention. Wu the Elder called his wife and gave her his instructions: "What you have done—I caught you in the act myself. You incited your paramour to kick me in the chest. Now I cannot live and I cannot die, while you go on enjoying yourselves. It's all right if I die; I can't fight you anymore. But my brother Wu the Second—you must know his temper. If he comes back sooner or later, will he let this go? If you take pity on me and tend to me well until I recover, I won't mention a word when he returns. But if you don't look after me, when he comes back I'll have a thing or two to say to you all."

The woman, hearing these words, made no reply. She slipped over and told Old Mother Wang and Ximen Qing everything, from beginning to end. When Ximen Qing heard this, it was as if he had been plunged into an ice cellar. "This is terrible! I should have known—the head constable Wu who killed the tiger on Jingyang Ridge, the number one hero of Qinghe County! Now I have been carrying on with you for a long time, and we are so deeply attached to each other, but I didn't think things through like this. Now that he's said this, what are we to do? This is terrible!" Old Mother Wang said with a cold laugh, "I've never seen you as the one at the helm—I'm the one who goes along with the current. I'm not flustered, but you've lost your nerve." Ximen Qing said, "I call myself a man, but in a situation like this I can't find a way out. Do you have any plan to cover us up?"

Old Mother Wang said, "Do you want to be husband and wife for the long term or the short term?"

Ximen Qing said, "Mother, tell me—what do you mean by husband and wife for the long term and husband and wife for the short term?"

Wang Po said, "If you want only a brief affair, you two can part ways today. Once Wu the Elder recovers and gets back on his feet, smooth things over with him, and when Wu the Second returns, let there be no hint of anything amiss. Wait until he's sent out on business again, and then arrange another meeting—that's what I mean as a brief affair. But if you wish to be husband and wife for the long term, together every day without fear or worry, I have a wonderful plan, though it's a hard thing to ask of you."

Ximen Qing said, "Mother, see this through for us—we only want to be husband and wife for the long term."

Wang Po said, "This plan requires one thing. Other households don't have it—it's a gift of nature—but a great household like yours does."

Ximen Qing said, "Even if you wanted my eyes, I'd gouge them out for you. What is this thing?"

Wang Po said, "Right now that wretched fellow is gravely ill. While he's in this sorry state, it's the perfect time to act. Get some arsenic from your house, then have the young lady go herself and buy a heartache remedy. Put the arsenic in the medicine and finish off the little fellow. Burn everything to ashes until there's not a trace left—even if the Second Brother returns, what could he do? As the old saying goes: 'Brother-in-law and sister-in-law should not inquire into each other's affairs.' And another: 'A woman follows her family in her first marriage, but in her second, she decides for herself.' How could an uncle presume to interfere? Carry on in secret for six months to a year, and when the mourning period for her husband is over, the master takes her home. Wouldn't that be a lasting union, growing old together in happiness? What do you think of this plan?"

Ximen Qing said, "Mother, this plan is truly brilliant. As the saying goes: 'If you want to live fast and free, you must be willing to do deadly work.' Enough, enough, enough! In for a penny, in for a pound!"

Wang Po said, "Now you're talking! This is cutting the grass by the roots so it never sprouts again. If you don't pull it up by the roots, it'll grow back come spring. Sir, go and fetch some arsenic—I'll teach the lady myself how to administer it. When it's done, you must reward me handsomely."

Ximen Qing said, "Naturally—you don't need to tell me."

A poem bears witness:

Lusting for beauty, bewitched by blossoms, he would not cease;

His schemes flowed like water, weaving a tangled web.

Who knew the poison in Brother Wu's blade

Was deadlier still than arsenic by a measure.

Now then, before long Ximen Qing returned, bringing a packet of arsenic, which he handed to Wang Po for safekeeping. The old woman then turned to the young woman and said, "My dear, let me teach you how to administer the medicine. Right now Wu the Elder is saying nothing about it—he's trusting you to nurse him. Show him a little tenderness and affection. When he asks you for medicine, mix the arsenic into the heartache remedy. Once he's fallen into a deep sleep, pour the medicine down his throat and then leave the room. When the poison takes effect, his bowels will certainly burst and he'll cry out—then just cover him with the quilt so no one can hear. Have a pot of water boiling beforehand with a rag in it. When the poison works, blood will certainly flow from his seven orifices, and there will be teeth marks on his lips. Once he's dead, lift the quilt and wipe him with the heated rag—all the blood will be gone. Then put him in the coffin and have him cremated. What trouble could there be?"

The young woman said, "It's a good plan, but my hands will be too weak—I won't be able to manage the body when the time comes."

Wang Po said, "That's easy. Just knock on the wall, and I'll come over to help you."

Ximen Qing said, "You two work carefully. I'll come before dawn tomorrow to hear how it went." With that, Ximen Qing left. Wang Po ground the arsenic into a fine powder with her fingers and gave it to the young woman, who took it away to hide.

The young woman then slipped back home and went upstairs to check on Wu the Elder. He was barely breathing, hovering on the brink of death. She sat by the bed and put on a show of weeping. Wu the Elder said, "Why are you crying?"

The young woman wiped her eyes and said, "I was wrong just now—I was deceived and manipulated by that scoundrel. Who would have thought he'd kick you like that! I've found out about some good medicine. I want to go and buy it to cure you, but I was afraid you'd suspect me of something, so I didn't dare go."

Wu the Elder said, "If you can save my life, it will be as if nothing happened—I'll wipe the slate clean and hold no grudge. When the Second Brother comes home, I won't mention it. Hurry and buy the medicine to save me!"

The young woman took some copper coins and went straight to Wang Po's house, where she sat and sent Wang Po to buy the medicine. When it was brought back upstairs, she showed it to Wu the Elder and said, "This heartache remedy—the doctor says you should take it in the middle of the night. After taking it, pull one or two quilts over yourself and sweat it out; by tomorrow you'll be up and about."

Wu the Elder said, "That's wonderful. Thank you, sister-in-law. Tonight stay alert and wake me in the middle of the night to take it."

The young woman said, "You sleep easy—I'll take care of everything."

The sky was growing dark. The woman lit a lamp in the room and first heated a large pot of water downstairs, where she scoured it with a rag. When she listened to the night watchman's drum, it was striking the third watch. The woman first poured poison into a small cup, then ladled a bowl of plain hot water and carried it upstairs, calling out, "Elder Brother, where's the medicine?" Wu Da said, "It's under my mat by my pillow. Quick, prepare it and give it to me to drink." The woman lifted the mat and shook the medicine into the cup, then set the prescription aside, poured the hot water into the cup, stirred it with a silver hairpin until it was mixed evenly, supported Wu Da with her left hand, and poured the medicine down his throat with her right. Wu Da took a sip and said, "Sister-in-law, this medicine is hard to swallow!" The woman said, "As long as it cures the illness, what does it matter if it's hard to swallow?" When Wu Da tried to take a second sip, the woman seized the chance and poured the entire cup down his throat. She then pushed Wu Da back and hastily jumped off the bed. Wu Da groaned and said, "Sister-in-law, after taking this medicine, my stomach has begun to ache. It hurts! It hurts! I can't bear it!" The woman pulled two quilts from the foot of the bed and covered him head to foot. Wu Da called out, "I feel stifled." The woman said, "The doctor instructed me to make you sweat so you'll recover faster." When Wu Da tried to speak again, the woman feared he might struggle, so she jumped onto the bed, sat astride him, and pressed down tightly on the corners of the quilt, not allowing any slack. It was just as if:

His lungs were being fried in oil, his liver and intestines scorched by fire.

In his heart, it felt like snowy blades piercing him; in his belly, like steel knives churning wildly.

His whole body turned cold, blood flowed from his seven apertures.

His teeth clenched tight, his three souls departed for the City of the Wrongfully Dead;

His throat ran dry, his seven spirits drifted toward the Tower of Homeward Looking.

The underworld had gained a new poison victim; the mortal world had lost a man who caught adulterers.

Wu Da groaned twice, gasped a few times, his intestines and stomach ruptured, and he breathed his last—his body moved no more. The woman lifted the quilt and saw Wu Da's clenched teeth and blood flowing from his seven apertures. Frightened, she jumped off the bed and knocked on the wall. Old Mother Wang heard and coughed at the back door. The woman went downstairs and opened the back door. Old Mother Wang asked, "Is it done?" The woman said, "It's done, but my hands and feet are weak—I can't manage the arrangements." Old Mother Wang said, "What's so difficult? I'll help you."

The old woman rolled up her sleeves, ladled a bucket of hot water, tossed the rag in, and carried it upstairs. She folded back the quilt, wiped Wu Da's lips and mouth, cleaned away the traces of blood from his seven apertures, and covered his body with clothes. The two of them carried him down step by step from the upstairs, then laid an old door plank downstairs. They combed his head, put on a cap and turban, dressed him in clothes, put shoes and socks on him, covered his face with a piece of white silk, and laid a clean quilt over the corpse. Then they went upstairs and tidied everything. Old Mother Wang then turned and went home.

The woman wailed and pretended to weep for her household provider. Let me tell you: in this world, women weep in three ways. When there are tears and sound, it's called weeping; when there are tears but no sound, it's called sobbing; when there is no tears but sound, it's called howling. At that moment, the woman howled dryly for half the night.

The next morning, before dawn at the fifth watch, Ximen Qing hurried over to get news. Old Mother Wang told him everything in detail. Ximen Qing gave Old Mother Wang silver to buy a coffin for the funeral and consulted with the woman. The woman came over to Ximen Qing and said, "My Wu Da has died today. I rely only on you to take charge." Ximen Qing said, "There's no need for you to say that." Old Mother Wang said, "There's one thing that's most important: the local ward leader, He Jiu, is a shrewd man. I'm afraid he'll see through it and refuse to handle the burial." Ximen Qing said, "That's no problem. I'll instruct him myself. He won't dare disobey me." Old Mother Wang said, "Sir, go and instruct him now. Don't delay." Ximen Qing left.

By the time it was fully bright, Old Mother Wang had bought a coffin and also some incense, candles, and paper money. She returned to prepare the funeral meal for the woman and lit a personal lamp. The neighbors from the ward all came to pay their condolences. The woman half-covered her powdered face and pretended to weep. The neighbors asked, "From what illness did your husband die?" The woman replied, "He had a heartache ailment that grew worse day by day, and it looked like he wouldn't recover. Unfortunately, he died at the third watch last night." She then choked and pretended to weep again. The neighbors knew full well that this man's death was suspicious, but they didn't dare press her. Out of courtesy they consoled her, saying, "The dead are dead, and the living must go on. Madam, don't grieve too much." The woman had to thank them insincerely, and everyone dispersed. Old Mother Wang took the coffin and went to invite the ward leader He Jiu. Everything needed for the burial was bought, along with all the household necessities. She also called two monks to keep vigil with the corpse. After some time, He Jiu first sent several men to make preparations.

Now let us speak of Uncle Jiuhe. When the hour was around ten in the morning, he slowly made his way out, and at the mouth of Purple Stone Street, he ran into Ximen Qing, who called out, "Where are you headed, Uncle Jiu?" Uncle Jiu replied, "This humble man is just going ahead to lay out the body of that bun-selling fellow Wu the Eldest." Ximen Qing said, "Step aside with me a moment, if you will." Uncle Jiu followed Ximen Qing around the corner to a small wineshop, and they sat down in a private booth. Ximen Qing said, "Uncle Jiuhe, please take the seat of honor." Uncle Jiu said, "What sort of person is this humble man, that I should sit as an equal with you, sir?" Ximen Qing said, "Why so distant, Uncle Jiu? Please, sit." The two sat down, and fine wine was called for. The waiter spread out fruits, vegetables, dishes for accompanying wine, and poured the wine at once. Uncle Jiu harbored a suspicion in his heart and thought to himself, "This man has never shared a drink with me before—there must be something behind this cup." The two drank for about an hour, when Ximen Qing pulled out a ten-tael silver ingot from his sleeve, placed it on the table, and said, "Uncle Jiu, do not think this too small—tomorrow there will be further thanks." Uncle Jiu folded his hands and said, "This man has rendered you no service whatsoever. How would I dare accept such a gift from you, sir? Even if you, sir, had some task for this humble man, I would not dare accept it." Ximen Qing said, "Uncle Jiu, do not stand on ceremony. Please take it, and then we will talk." Uncle Jiu said, "Say what you wish, sir. This man will listen." Ximen Qing said, "There is nothing else. A little later, his household will also have some money for your trouble. It is simply this: when you lay out Wu the Eldert's body, see that everything is done properly—cover him with a brocade quilt, and that is all I have to say." Uncle Jiu said, "These are small matters—what is there to it? How would I dare accept silver?" Ximen Qing said, "If Uncle Jiu does not take it, then you are refusing me." Now Uncle Jiuhe had always feared Ximen Qing, who was a rascal with influence over the local authorities, so he accepted it. The two drank several more cups, and Ximen Qing told the waiter to put it on his account, to be paid at the shop the next day. The two went downstairs and left the shop together. Ximen Qing said, "Uncle Jiu, keep this in mind—do not let it leak out. Another day I will repay you further." With that, he gave his instructions and departed straightaway.

Uncle Jiuhe harbored suspicion in his heart and pondered within himself, "This business is strange indeed! I was only going to lay out Wu the Elder's body, yet why did he give me so much silver? ... There must be something behind this." He arrived at the front of Wu the Eldert's house, where he found several of the funeral attendants waiting at the door. Uncle Jiu asked, "What illness did Wu the Eldert die of?" The funeral attendants replied, "His household says he died of a heartache ailment." Uncle Jiu lifted the curtain and entered. Old Woman Wang greeted him, saying, "We have been waiting a long time for you, Uncle." Uncle Jiu replied, "It was just some small matters that delayed my feet—I have come a step late." He saw Wu the Eldert's wife emerge from within, dressed in plain, modest garments, feigning tears. Uncle Jiu said, "Lady, do not grieve too much.—It is a pity that your husband has departed to heaven!" The woman covered her tearful eyes and said, "Words cannot express it! Who would have thought my foolish husband's heartache ailment would end his life in just a few days—he has left me in such bitter sorrow." Uncle Jiu looked the woman up and down, and muttered to himself, "I have always heard of Wu the Eldert's wife, but never knew her before. So this is the wife Wu the Eldert took! That ten taels of silver from Ximen Qing—there is something behind it." Uncle Jiu looked at Wu the Eldert's corpse, raised the funeral banner, pulled away the white silk cloth, applied the sacred eye-opening water in the five-wheel eight-treasure manner, and fixed his gaze upon it. Uncle Jiu let out a great cry, fell backward, and blood sprayed from his mouth. His fingernails were blue, his lips purple, his face yellow, and his eyes lifeless—truly, his body was like the moon sinking behind the mountains at the fifth watch of night, his life like the lamp oil exhausted at the third watch of night.

What became of Uncle Jiuhe's life? Listen to the next chapter for the explanation.